The Past Six Months

So, it's that time again...finals week. And so to prolong my studying a little longer, I decided to update my blog again. I realized it has been almost 6 months since I last posted and well, a lot has happened since then. Pretty much everything that defines my life right now has happened! I am going to get totally cheesy on here for a minute (but it is my blog and I can do that) and talk about someone very important to me. If you follow me on Facebook or Instagram then you probably know where this is heading and I am giving you permission to skip ahead and avoid things you have most likely repeatedly seen or read already. So there is Dakota...yeah did not see him coming haha! A lot of people ask me how we met and to keep it short we were in the same LDS stake back when I lived in TN and he lived in MS years ago. I thought he was super cute, just like all the other girls did, but he was totally infatuated with another girl. Besides, I didn't care all too much about it because I was "dating" someone else at the time. Anyways, he moved to Florida and I moved to Utah but in June he made the move out here to Orem to start attending school. He saw that I was living out here and asked if I wanted to meet up for lunch and I obliged and the rest, so far, is history. Dakota and I are now dating and loving every single second of it. We literally see each other every single day at some point, whether it's for a hour or a whole day, unless certain circumstances don't allow. (Like right now where he is in Florida for 10 days until I fly out there. It is the longest we have gone these past 6 months without seeing each other and it hasn't even been 24 hours and I have already cried. I am writing this post to help me KEEP. IT. TOGETHER.)

Now, that date where I made him fall completely head over heels for me was June 17th and today so happens to be December 17th so I guess you would say that today is our 6 month anniversary (if we aren't getting all technical)! *typical Mormon girl love rant starts now* So...Happy Six Months, Dakota! You know how to drive me up a wall and push my buttons, but you also know how to make me smile, relax and see the light at the end of the tunnel. You always encourage me to try my best and to become the person that I hope of being and you always forgive me when I make mistakes. When I am hard on myself, you always are there to give me a hug and to help me get back on my feet. I have told Dakota a few times that one thing I have learned and love about him is that he truly has the biggest and sweetest heart of any guy I have met. I even joke with him that he is too sensitive and emotional and I am the man in the relationship. But in all honesty, he would do anything for me and for anyone else he loves and cares about. The way he looks at me and how he tells me all the time that he is lucky really makes me the lucky and feel like a queen. Every girl deserves a guy like Dakota, someone who adores and respects them and wants to give them the world plus more. So thank you Dakota for all that you have taught me and done for me these last six months.  *typical Mormon girl love rant ends here*

Ohhhkay. Lets see. In September I ended my job at Charlotte Russe and started a new job at H&M that just opened here in Orem. It is definitely different than CR, but I love it. I would be lying if I said that it wasn't overwhelming at first considering it is significantly different in size and you have people practically trampling over you among other things going on at once. I wanted to give up and quit, but the thing is..I didn't and I am so happy that that is the case. I work with some of the funniest people and have a lot of other benefits that I would've just thrown away. This is just another challenge that I have learned from that has strengthened me and taught me a lesson and I am so grateful for that.

I was also in school this past semester at BYU. I do not have much to say about it except for that it was extremely hard/tiring and such an emotional time for me. I know I probably say that after every semester but seriously props to those who actually make it 4+ years at BYU. It kicks butt, in both good and bad ways. Oh, and don't take Econ 110 from Kearl. Trust me.

Now it is the holiday season again, my favorite time of year, and I just want to share and express my thanks to everyone who has helped me along these past 6 months. My family, Dakota, my awesome roommates who also happen to be my best friends and just random people who smiled at me or brightened my day with kind words that were said. I seriously could not have done it without you (or I just would have lost my mind and made some stupid mistakes). I am also so grateful for my D&C teacher, Brother Anthony Sweat, who taught an amazing class this semester. He inspired me so much and helped to strengthen my testimony by bringing the Spirit into his class and saying the most amazing, beautiful things. I love my Heavenly Father and my brother Jesus Christ. If there is anything I continue to learn day by day, week by week in my life it is that they are always there. Whether we fall, stumble, break or lose our way, they still love us, want the best for us and support us. I would not be here after these past six months without them.

Merry Christmas!

-Deanna

People are People

Over the last few weeks, I have had many opportunities to talk and deal with different people. It has been such a learning experience realizing the different backgrounds and lives that people come from, both in and outside of Utah. Several months ago, before having these different contacts and experiences, I was a girl that I would say was so judgmental of others and would just shut out anything or anyone presented to me that I thought was not right or different from what I believed. Little did I know that I was turning away opportunities and experiences that could teach me so much. As I have been around new people at work and in my friendships and relationships, I have met some great people! And these great people are people who never in my head would I have thought to be seen with or have friendships come out of it. As I have slowly opened up to being more accepting, I have learned that just because someone talks differently than I do, makes different decisions, or looks "interesting" to me does not mean I should instantly judge them and rule them out of ever having contact or some sort of communication.
Through letting these individuals in, I have learned that I am actually a pretty accepting and understanding person...and to be honest, people like that (I mean who doesn't?)  It breaks the norm that is here in Utah and I find it pretty satisfying and boosting to my confidence that people might actually think that about me around here and they trust me! They trust me enough to tell me their story and not be shunned or looked down upon.
I feel like sometimes I kind of ramble on my posts and struggle to gather all my thoughts into the words that I would like to use. So I guess one of the other points I wanted to make is that people are just...people. There was a quote on Pinterest that I saw the other day that for some reason just really struck me and all it was saying was what I just said, Don't get nervous. People are just people. If we like them, we can continue to have them in our lives and if we don't they don't have to be there! I guess that is how I have been becoming more outgoing and friendly towards others. I love getting to know people and learning that even the people we think are the best or have the perfect life, really have a past or struggles like I do or like you do. When I learn this about people, it really just enhances my knowledge and appreciation for what I do know in this life and what I do have. It helps me to realize that I am human and it is okay for me to make mistakes because guess what, I am not the only one. And it is even okay to admit them! I look up to people so much more and just sit and think about them and admire them so much for so many things.  I am just so grateful for people...to be surrounded in an area with such different culture and backgrounds and I am so grateful to learn and have a glimpse into the lives of others. I am grateful for those who have been the example of acceptance and showing me that it is okay to let your guard down and just hear people out. Of course it is important to "righteously" judge and know where your standards and boundaries are but if you don't agree with them, it is okay. That is life. There is never going to be a time where people will agree with you 100% on everything that you believe...but that doesn't mean you shut them out and show them the door. You can control what people you let in your life and who you let influence it. You live, you learn and you grow.

Dealing With Disappointment

It has been a really long time since I last posted...and I mean REALLY. A lot has happened to me over the past 6 months and today has just been one of those days where I feel the pressure of every single thing in my life on my shoulders. I don't know if it is the weather that has gotten me in this mood or what, but I think it is about time I start writing again.

1. BYU: I started my first semester at BYU in January and lets just say it was definitely a different experience from Idaho. I decided to live at home with my parents to help save some money on my end and also to help get myself adjusted since I didn't really know what my experience was going to be like.  I am glad that I decided to live at home even though it didn't feel like I lived there and there were the times where I just wanted to be the average college kid living on their own. It was a rough semester. There is no denying that. It was so much harder than where I was at previous semesters and I was working 20-30 hours (depending on the week)  on top of 15 credit hours. I have never had to juggle anything like that before so it was all one big learning experience in so many ways. Now, I would be lying to myself if I didn't say that I was, and still am, very disappointed in myself. I feel like that because things got so hard for me, that I just started giving up. I stopped believing in myself, my goals and my ambitions. I stopped caring about my studies and my education because in my mind I had every right to. As a result, my grades slipped and the rest I can't take care of or fix now and boy, I sure am dealing with the consequences now. "Why should a 20 year old girl have to worry about so many things?" is what I keep thinking in my head. I should be having the fun and the experiences like I have always pictured in my head. But you know what, that is not how life works. No matter how many times I picture and see things in my head, it never comes out that way. I will never take that huge cross country road trip with friends where you just roll the windows down and sing the whole way. I will probably never move to LA and attend FIDM. And it all continues to be one big disappointment to me. So now I have come to the struggle of dealing with disappointment. I am not trying to be a downer, just expressing the things I have been feeling in a healthy way. I know that things in my life just aren't going to happen, that is not how it works. No matter what the movies and the shows say, you have to make things happen for yourself in life. So now I have to figure out what I am going to do to keep myself moving forward to where I want to be and where I want to go. Things are discouraging and disappointing but that shouldn't keep me from continuing on in life. That is all I really can do right now.


  So as I figure out  how to deal with the things that are constantly thrown at me and my feelings, I am going to try and stay positive. Here are a few things:

-The friends I do have, they make me happy and are the type of people I have been wanting in my life to help make it different!
-I have the opportunity to get an education and challenge myself. Even though this can really suck (like for me still trying to figure out what I want to do) so many people would love to go to college and earn a degree.
-I have a job that supports me. It is not always the best, but it has been a job that I enjoy and that has helped me financially and in different aspects of my personality.
-Today was a beautiful day. Everything is so green and in bloom and makes me want to be outside as much as I can.

Shoot, I am behind on my posts and of course I choose to do it at one of the busiest times of my semester. I have had a lot happen over the past couple weeks such as Halloween, a lot of roommate time and of course school. So I am going to just indulge on pictures to help me get caught up. Please forgive me!

Okay so Carol Ann and I decided we wanted to get our Pinterest on so that is exactly what we did. We found a recipe that I am sure those with a Pinterest have seen. It is a cookie dough on the bottom, a layer of Oreos and then brownie mix on top. Then you bake it! Sooo bad for you, but you have to try it just once. It turned out pretty good. It was a little over baked but still yummy.

So, I took this picture because look at how ridiculous our trash/under the sink is! It is terrible! We fill our trash so fast, we probably take it out at least once a day. After this picture was taken, and even just today, we have had a problem with our garbage disposal. Every time you turn it on it shoots out everything that you just put down the drain. It is really disgusting and unfortunate. We had it "fixed" once so we will see if it can get fixed again.

This is what my average planner for a week looks like. Sometimes it's worse and sometimes better.

These are my lovely, happy and goofy roommates :) We were making caramel for our caramel apples that you will see later below.

I am sure most of you saw this on my Facebook but I was Catwoman for Halloween. I loved it!

This was Halloween night. We proceeded to make mummy dogs, spider doughnuts and dirt cups.

Haha Cynphony was dancing...crazy girl.

Mummy Dogs.

Spider Doughnuts.

Dirt Cups.

Shailor was showing us how she can tie a knot with her tongue. I must say that Halloween night was probably one of the funnest nights I have had with my roommates. We stayed up way too late for a school night, meaning 1 AM, just talking and laughing about the most random things. I am truly so blessed with such fun and awesome girls in my life.

We took the pumpkin seeds from Ynez's pumpkin and made roasted pumpkin seeds. I only got to try about 2 because they were such a hit.

This is just Carol Ann.

Carol Ann and I like to watch our show "Nashville" together on her laptop in our room. It is great bonding time :)

I decided to spruce up our apartment by adding some decorations. I printed off the bunting and hung that, bought the colored pumpkins on the right and have the lovely picture frame from my mom. The "G" later got destroyed by Ynez's rotting pumpkin and its juice.

I came home and saw this funny and sweet sign on the refrigerator so of course I had to take a picture.

Massage train!

Spencer decided to shoot at the TV with her Nerf gun after the elections were over. I don't think she was happy.

Here are some pictures from our second garbage disposal incident today.

Carol Ann got me with a candid.

Gotta be fashionable and happy while in the dumps :P

Our yummy caramel for our delicious caramel apples.

I have a slight obsession with caramel apples right now. I don't eat apples outside of this because they hurt and irritate my mouth/throat but I can't get enough of these. They are so good!

My absentee ballot...that came on election day. I decided I could at least save it for my memory box or something.

I later registered in Idaho and voted! I felt so awesome, it is such a privilege to live in a country where you can speak your voice and opinions.

Hot cocoa and Netflix for a cold, snowy day :)

Carol Ann and I at the movies. I cannot express how awesome this girl is. We have a lot in common and I love that we have been able to have time to get to know each other.

I had my first choir concert last weekend. I am the girl in the middle with my hair over my shoulder.

Ynez, Carol Ann and Shailor are such awesome roommates and came to my choir concert. They have no idea how much this has meant to me. I love feeling loved and supported, especially by them.

Grocery shopping after my choir concert, please notice my awesome outfit!

I am so happy carrying all of Carol Ann's groceries!

So this is a little catch up on my adventures the past few weeks. Thanksgiving break is coming up in a little over a week so I know I have not only a lot of school work to do, but a lot more fun times ahead :)

Forgiveness

I am going to indulge on my blog here a little bit and go in a different direction than my regular posts have been going. My heart and spirit are just so humble right now and I need a way to release the things I have been feeling. This time last year, I was going through the hardest thing of my life so far. I never thought that I could be so sad, heartbroken, disappointed and discouraged than what I was at that moment. That pain has stuck with me ever since and is something that I will not soon forget. I get these feelings and these moods and know that when I am starting to feel and recognize them, I need to get out. If I spend one more moment in them, it is a hard journey out. And I have started to feel that way again. I don't know what or why it is that this happens, especially around these months...I have SO much to be grateful for! But Satan knows our weaknesses. He knows what our life is like. He knows when we are most vulnerable, when we are on our own and have a lot of time to be alone and to ourselves. He knows when we are away from family and friends. He knows when we are out of our comfort zone. He knows that we have stress and different things to juggle like school, friends, work, homework, etc. He knows that we are young and still have a lot to learn. And that is why this happens.

I was originally going to write this post a few days ago and make it a venting session about how some people ( or maybe one in particular) are so mindless and selfish of those around them. How it is so easy for myself to be loyal to others and give in to peoples every desires and have myself feel like they don't even care about what I think or how I feel or what I want to do. How ironic. My battles in life are all internal and the things I think are brutal. I just have conversation after conversation with myself in my mind about everything. I don't think it is quite healthy, but it is who I am. So, instead of continuing on this negative, I wanted to focus on something that I should have been doing a long time ago. Instead of thinking so negatively about people and things, I should have forgiven. I should have immediately forgiven all the things/people that have offended and continue to offend me. I could have saved myself so much energy and thought process.

I know that this is SO much easier said than done. Trust me, even when writing this post I am having and internal struggle with wanting to do what is right and what I should and smacking the living day lights out of someone and saying, "HEY! Look at me. Look at how I feel! Do you even care?! You just don't understand! You are so annoying! You have it so good and I know that because you are so selfish with who and what you are and have that you won't take a second to look and think around, especially with this person right in front of you!" (OK, so I might have don't a little venting there) But the thing wrong with what I just said is, I can't look into someone else's heart. I don't know what they are thinking or what they are feeling. As much as I think I do, I don't. (I like to think that I know A LOT of things, do this is hard for me too) Forgiveness is a commandment and if I do not forgive, then greater the condemnation is on me than the offender. If I am not merciful, I cannot obtain mercy. There's no weakness in forgiveness. The Lord gives us no commandment that we cannot keep. I need to change my attitude and have a change of heart. I know that this is hard and it is going to take a conscious effort from me, but I will be so much happier! My roommates and friends can have "Deanna" back!

I love my Father in Heaven. I love the examples he gives me in my life and the teachings he teaches me. I love that I get to learn through and with Him. I may not love the trials He gives me in the moment, but I love that we have opportunities to go through hard things in our lives because in the end, we learn more than we ever could about ourselves and our Father in Heaven. And I hope that all can forgive me because I know that I am not perfect and I say and do mean, stupid and hurtful things. Talk to me about it, I want to be better :)

My Life in Pictures.

Hey all! To be honest, I cannot remember what has happened in my life since I last posted. I know, it is sad! Haha good thing I take pictures to help remind me. This week was officially mid-term and I cannot believe it! The semester has gone by so fast and I imagine it is only going to continue in that direction. But hey, I am not complaining! I am ready for the semester to be over so I can celebrate Christmas and have my job back and all that good stuff. I just have to keep reminding myself that this time I don't get a  4 month break.
Halloween is getting closer and my apartment complex is holding a door decorating contest and boy, the girls on my floor are going all out! I wish you could see what they all look like...I guess I should take pictures. We put up a few decorations in our apartment that I brought from home when I last visited. My roommate, Ynez, also had some window clings we were able to use. So now I feel a little more festive :) I love this time of year! Everything else I neglected to mention will be explained with the pictures below!

 Hannah and I went to a pumpkin carving activity that Life Skills here on campus held. My roommate, Carol Ann, is involved so she is so good to keep me informed on all the different activities they hold :)

We decided to do the "Jump Man", "Air Jordan", or whatever else this logo is called. We unfortunately lost his arm to a tragic knife carving incident, but he stilled turned out pretty good!

Shailor, Carol Ann, Cynphony and I all went to Andrew's (Cynphony's fiance) soccer game on Saturday. I had never been up to the fields before and was surprised with what a great view it provides. However, with it being located on a hill it was SO windy and freezing! But Andrew's team did well and ended with a tie so it was all worth it :)

Shailor and I at the game...I don't know why I am including this picture since I have some nappy hair and no makeup but I want to introduce Shailor to my blog!

Look at how freaking cute Carol Ann is! Even with the wind and the cold she still knows how to smile :)

On Saturday, Ynez, Carol Ann, her friend, Shailor and I all went and saw Pitch Perfect. Oh. My. Gosh. It was HILARIOUS! I would definitely see it again. I needed a laugh that day and this sure fixed that.

Missionary Mail!

Our window clings.

The outside of our door. It's not much but just enough to be festive!

The cute frame and design my mom made and sent me back with.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that it only snowed 6 INCHES two nights ago. We all knew it was going to snow but this was an unpleasant surprise to us in the morning.

I LOVE CARAMEL APPLES. 

This is one of my favorite things about the Fall season. I love eating these and I love making them. Just my luck that our campus got a Caramel Apple booth :) I will be hitting that place up, yum!

More Missionary Mail :) It is the best thing ever!

And of course, another throwback for you guys. I don't know how I was that flexible and why that was comfortable enough for me but whatever! I wish I could sleep like that right now :)

A Dream Come True In The Making

Hello hello! This is probably the happiest post I have posted on here since starting my blog. I am sure most of you know by now that your prayers and thoughts on my behalf were felt, heard and reached because I have been officially accepted to BYU! Third times the charm right? Holy cow, I still can't believe it but Heavenly Father sure has watched me grow over the past year and sees the desire in my heart and I think he knows that I am finally ready for another change. It is amazing how we get just to the point of breaking, losing our way and giving up and then he appears in our lives as blessings and answers to prayers. I have truly started to feel lost recently and now this is a new light and a new hope for me. This is just another testament to me that hard work, perseverance and keeping your eye towards the goal really does pay off...and it is the best feeling ever! So, thank you thank you thank you to all who have loved and supported me through it all! It really is one of my biggest dreams coming true.

Now let's see, so much has happened it is hard for me to even remember what I was going to write about. I was able to travel back down to Utah again for Chloe and Seth's wedding. It was so beautiful and I am truly so happy and honored to have been there and a part of their special day. I have never seen Chloe so happy and beautiful, she was radiating. I kept thinking in my mind, "Dang! I hope I look that good when I get married!". I even got teary eyed during the ring ceremony because I saw just how happy they are together. It made me so happy for them and I will be so fortunate to find someone who will make me just as happy as they are. I can't wait for that day :) Congrats Seth and Chloe!

 Look at this beautiful sunset I captured about a week ago! The west side of the U.S. sure has some amazing sunsets.

 This is what a typical day of homework and studying looks like for me. We are starting to throw in Hot Chocolate since it is getting colder here in Rexburg.

 The night before we left for Utah, Hannah decided she wanted to dye her. I was so proud of her for two reasons: 1. She trusted me enough to let me do it. That is a huge thing for her so I was pretty pleased with myself :) and 2. She has only ever gotten it done in a salon. Her hair is her baby so I was proud of her for taking a risk!

 She is going to kill me for posting this but hopefully she doesn't see ;) By the way, her hair turned out beautiful.

We had to throw in some muffins after our hair dying adventure. They were delicious!

 Hannah is obsessed with McDonalds, so of course we had to stop and get some on our way out to Utah.

 Look at how happy this couple is!

 And of course, you can't forget to decorate the newlyweds car!

Another beautiful sunset in Utah.

 Maple Mountain.

 It is so fun to watch the Presidential Debates here on campus. I love all the commentary and random yelling and clapping I get to hear while watching. It makes the debates that much greater!

 I had to add another throwback. For those who know me know that I LOVE cookies. They are my favorite dessert next to ice cream. It all started young...

 With the stunning bride! Doesn't that dress just fit her like a glove?!

 I burnt my bagel this morning :( That has never happened to me before! It was a very sad and lonely morning for my stomach.

The BEST news received in a long time :D