Revelation

Over the past few weeks while I have been here at school, I have had a particular thought constantly running through my mind. Last night, I was able to attend the Saturday evening session of our Stake Conference along with the session this morning. I had an incredible experience throughout each session and just thought I would share my journal entry on my little insights and revelation I was able to receive.

"As I was sitting Saturday evening at the start of Stake Conference, I was very excited and eager to hear what the message would be. I knew it was bound to be good, I could feel it in my heart. Everything I've heard here at school has been great so far. Over the past few weeks, I have had the same thoughts pressed in my mind and feelings, "I want to transfer. I want to go to BYU. I feel the need to and I feel that there is something there that is not here." As I have thought these things, I have always wondered whether or not it was me and my desires/wants or the Spirit speaking to me. I have decided to pray about it a few times and see what the Lord says and has in store for me. The session started and President Hammond (1st counselor) stated the theme for our conference. It's a quote by Julie B. Beck from the September 2011 Ensign visiting teaching message in regards to personal revelation. She states, "The ability to qualify for, receive, and act on personal revelation is the single most important skill that can be acquired in this life." Perfect! This is exactly what I've been waiting and searching for. So many amazing things were said . I have pages and pages of notes of inspired words by inspired speakers. As I was listening to all the words. It came to me. I know why I am here. I know what my purpose of coming here was for. I came to school at a very critical and difficult time and point in my life. I am still learning, growing and experiencing this but it is becoming more and more clear to me. A certain part of my life happened, but now it is time to put it to rest. An incredible bishop was put into my path. He helped me to see my potential and what I could become. The words he spoke were uplifting and encouraging. I can get through this hard time. I can grow close to my Heavenly Father and I can receive answers and his Spirit. The things I had to do and that were asked of me to do were uncomfortable, but I did them. And now those things have forever blessed my life even though they have been hard and even frustrating. I know I was supposed to go to BYU-I to find myself. To grow and become spiritually strong and gain a better relationship with myself, my Heavenly Father and my family, especially my parents. I have never felt so much love for them in my life and have never been so grateful. I recognize all that they have done and continue to do for me and I feel closer to them more than ever. I also feel like I am truly a strong woman and that the Gospel and Atonement is real now more than ever. I love this feeling. Going through this process is so hard and challenging, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. This is the place I am suppose to be and come to to experience these things. Along with this revelation, I now know that my time here will be over at the end of the semester. Now that I feel close to my family, I want to be there and cultivate our relationship even more. I also know and feel that there are people or things there for me wherever I end up going. Whether it is for me to bless their life or for them to bless mine. This is where I will thrive and find myself the happiest. I feel these things with my heart and know the Lord and Holy Ghost have been speaking to me. It's been pressed upon my thoughts and feelings for a reason. I truly believe and know these things."

Questions for Reflection pt.2

What are your strongest, most poignant memories? When have you felt most alive in your life? As I have thought about these question, it has always come back to love. And not just romantic love (even though that is something at the forefront of my mind lately) but the love of friendship and family. Yes, I know that I have talked about this subject before and it's something I refer to often, but it's something tender to me. These strong memories, are memories that I wish I could go back to. Memories that I could re-live over and over again. And memories that I wish I didn't take for granted. This is also when I felt the most alive. In these memories and moments I was loved, or in love. It was so encompassing, so refreshing and brought much comfort to me. Love is what makes the world go around, and what makes me feel the way I feel, do the things I do, act the way I act, and say the things I say. It's what makes me function and live day to day. It's in my thoughts daily when I think about my family, friends, that special someone, and most importantly Jesus Christ. It's something I long for and something I am searching for. These moments full of love are the most memorable to me because that is when I was the most alive, the most alive because I felt whole and complete. Like nothing was missing and I knew that everything is going to be okay and that everything happens for a reason and works out in the end. Someone loves me and I love them. We all strive to love in our lives, it's a gift from above and a treasure to take in. Tell the ones you love, that you love them. No matter what the relationship may be--friends, family, acquaintances, or diminishing relationships--let them know. You never know where life is going to take us <3

Questions for Reflection

So, it's been almost a month since I have started college. I can honestly say I have never experienced so much in such a short amount of time. It has been a time of personal growth and reflection, as well as self-improvement. It's been rough, not going to lie. I thought I had this whole thing figured out. I was sure on what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go and take my life. I was sure that this is the school for me. But now, my thoughts have changed. I've experienced some hardships up here and they have really gotten me to think about where I am in this stage and if this is what I really want. But, I am going to give it a chance, at least for the rest of semester or year depending on how things go. Today in my english class, we were given "Questions for Reflection" to help us dive deeper into ourselves and our lives to help promote growth and ideas for our self essays. As I was reading through all of these questions, I started becoming emotionally distraught inside because they revealed the true, raw feelings that I am having and the internal conflicts I am experiencing.
So, I know this is a blog and maybe it shouldn't be all personal like this, but it's also a way for me to share my feelings and experiences not only to myself, but for myself and the "world." One of the questions on this paper was, "What kind of person do you wish you could be? What kind of person are you in reality? What is keeping you from being the person you want to be?" These questions struck a chord with me and as I started writing, my response really got to me. The person I wish I could be is someone that in my eyes, is realistically unattainable. I wish that I was one of the nicest people and someone known and loved by everyone. I wish I was an example & someone who isn't afraid. I wish I was someone who wasn't shy & someone who was sure about themselves and their goals/ambitions in life. I wish I was someone who wasn't hurt, confused and tender. I wish I was someone who is strong, stronger than what I see in me.
The kind of person I am in reality is the opposite of these...at least in my eyes. Let's be honest with myself. I am sad, tender, vulnerable and weak inside. I am confused and lost on what I should do in life. I am scared and afraid to be different and branch out. I am someone who is growing as a person in every aspect and learning as I grow. I am a budding flower in the process of blooming.
What is keeping me from being the person I want to be? My fears and struggles, society and covering up the truth. But most of all, me.
Now I am not trying to make whoever is reading this feel sad for me or feel bad. That is not the point of this. The point of this is my own personal reflection and sharing my thoughts with whomever. I think one of everyones goal in life to try and become a better person than they already are. These questions are questions that can be easily asked to anyone and to yourself, and can make you ponder and reflect on who you are. So the question is, what is keeping you from being the person you want to be?