Forgiveness

I am going to indulge on my blog here a little bit and go in a different direction than my regular posts have been going. My heart and spirit are just so humble right now and I need a way to release the things I have been feeling. This time last year, I was going through the hardest thing of my life so far. I never thought that I could be so sad, heartbroken, disappointed and discouraged than what I was at that moment. That pain has stuck with me ever since and is something that I will not soon forget. I get these feelings and these moods and know that when I am starting to feel and recognize them, I need to get out. If I spend one more moment in them, it is a hard journey out. And I have started to feel that way again. I don't know what or why it is that this happens, especially around these months...I have SO much to be grateful for! But Satan knows our weaknesses. He knows what our life is like. He knows when we are most vulnerable, when we are on our own and have a lot of time to be alone and to ourselves. He knows when we are away from family and friends. He knows when we are out of our comfort zone. He knows that we have stress and different things to juggle like school, friends, work, homework, etc. He knows that we are young and still have a lot to learn. And that is why this happens.

I was originally going to write this post a few days ago and make it a venting session about how some people ( or maybe one in particular) are so mindless and selfish of those around them. How it is so easy for myself to be loyal to others and give in to peoples every desires and have myself feel like they don't even care about what I think or how I feel or what I want to do. How ironic. My battles in life are all internal and the things I think are brutal. I just have conversation after conversation with myself in my mind about everything. I don't think it is quite healthy, but it is who I am. So, instead of continuing on this negative, I wanted to focus on something that I should have been doing a long time ago. Instead of thinking so negatively about people and things, I should have forgiven. I should have immediately forgiven all the things/people that have offended and continue to offend me. I could have saved myself so much energy and thought process.

I know that this is SO much easier said than done. Trust me, even when writing this post I am having and internal struggle with wanting to do what is right and what I should and smacking the living day lights out of someone and saying, "HEY! Look at me. Look at how I feel! Do you even care?! You just don't understand! You are so annoying! You have it so good and I know that because you are so selfish with who and what you are and have that you won't take a second to look and think around, especially with this person right in front of you!" (OK, so I might have don't a little venting there) But the thing wrong with what I just said is, I can't look into someone else's heart. I don't know what they are thinking or what they are feeling. As much as I think I do, I don't. (I like to think that I know A LOT of things, do this is hard for me too) Forgiveness is a commandment and if I do not forgive, then greater the condemnation is on me than the offender. If I am not merciful, I cannot obtain mercy. There's no weakness in forgiveness. The Lord gives us no commandment that we cannot keep. I need to change my attitude and have a change of heart. I know that this is hard and it is going to take a conscious effort from me, but I will be so much happier! My roommates and friends can have "Deanna" back!

I love my Father in Heaven. I love the examples he gives me in my life and the teachings he teaches me. I love that I get to learn through and with Him. I may not love the trials He gives me in the moment, but I love that we have opportunities to go through hard things in our lives because in the end, we learn more than we ever could about ourselves and our Father in Heaven. And I hope that all can forgive me because I know that I am not perfect and I say and do mean, stupid and hurtful things. Talk to me about it, I want to be better :)

My Life in Pictures.

Hey all! To be honest, I cannot remember what has happened in my life since I last posted. I know, it is sad! Haha good thing I take pictures to help remind me. This week was officially mid-term and I cannot believe it! The semester has gone by so fast and I imagine it is only going to continue in that direction. But hey, I am not complaining! I am ready for the semester to be over so I can celebrate Christmas and have my job back and all that good stuff. I just have to keep reminding myself that this time I don't get a  4 month break.
Halloween is getting closer and my apartment complex is holding a door decorating contest and boy, the girls on my floor are going all out! I wish you could see what they all look like...I guess I should take pictures. We put up a few decorations in our apartment that I brought from home when I last visited. My roommate, Ynez, also had some window clings we were able to use. So now I feel a little more festive :) I love this time of year! Everything else I neglected to mention will be explained with the pictures below!

 Hannah and I went to a pumpkin carving activity that Life Skills here on campus held. My roommate, Carol Ann, is involved so she is so good to keep me informed on all the different activities they hold :)

We decided to do the "Jump Man", "Air Jordan", or whatever else this logo is called. We unfortunately lost his arm to a tragic knife carving incident, but he stilled turned out pretty good!

Shailor, Carol Ann, Cynphony and I all went to Andrew's (Cynphony's fiance) soccer game on Saturday. I had never been up to the fields before and was surprised with what a great view it provides. However, with it being located on a hill it was SO windy and freezing! But Andrew's team did well and ended with a tie so it was all worth it :)

Shailor and I at the game...I don't know why I am including this picture since I have some nappy hair and no makeup but I want to introduce Shailor to my blog!

Look at how freaking cute Carol Ann is! Even with the wind and the cold she still knows how to smile :)

On Saturday, Ynez, Carol Ann, her friend, Shailor and I all went and saw Pitch Perfect. Oh. My. Gosh. It was HILARIOUS! I would definitely see it again. I needed a laugh that day and this sure fixed that.

Missionary Mail!

Our window clings.

The outside of our door. It's not much but just enough to be festive!

The cute frame and design my mom made and sent me back with.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that it only snowed 6 INCHES two nights ago. We all knew it was going to snow but this was an unpleasant surprise to us in the morning.

I LOVE CARAMEL APPLES. 

This is one of my favorite things about the Fall season. I love eating these and I love making them. Just my luck that our campus got a Caramel Apple booth :) I will be hitting that place up, yum!

More Missionary Mail :) It is the best thing ever!

And of course, another throwback for you guys. I don't know how I was that flexible and why that was comfortable enough for me but whatever! I wish I could sleep like that right now :)

A Dream Come True In The Making

Hello hello! This is probably the happiest post I have posted on here since starting my blog. I am sure most of you know by now that your prayers and thoughts on my behalf were felt, heard and reached because I have been officially accepted to BYU! Third times the charm right? Holy cow, I still can't believe it but Heavenly Father sure has watched me grow over the past year and sees the desire in my heart and I think he knows that I am finally ready for another change. It is amazing how we get just to the point of breaking, losing our way and giving up and then he appears in our lives as blessings and answers to prayers. I have truly started to feel lost recently and now this is a new light and a new hope for me. This is just another testament to me that hard work, perseverance and keeping your eye towards the goal really does pay off...and it is the best feeling ever! So, thank you thank you thank you to all who have loved and supported me through it all! It really is one of my biggest dreams coming true.

Now let's see, so much has happened it is hard for me to even remember what I was going to write about. I was able to travel back down to Utah again for Chloe and Seth's wedding. It was so beautiful and I am truly so happy and honored to have been there and a part of their special day. I have never seen Chloe so happy and beautiful, she was radiating. I kept thinking in my mind, "Dang! I hope I look that good when I get married!". I even got teary eyed during the ring ceremony because I saw just how happy they are together. It made me so happy for them and I will be so fortunate to find someone who will make me just as happy as they are. I can't wait for that day :) Congrats Seth and Chloe!

 Look at this beautiful sunset I captured about a week ago! The west side of the U.S. sure has some amazing sunsets.

 This is what a typical day of homework and studying looks like for me. We are starting to throw in Hot Chocolate since it is getting colder here in Rexburg.

 The night before we left for Utah, Hannah decided she wanted to dye her. I was so proud of her for two reasons: 1. She trusted me enough to let me do it. That is a huge thing for her so I was pretty pleased with myself :) and 2. She has only ever gotten it done in a salon. Her hair is her baby so I was proud of her for taking a risk!

 She is going to kill me for posting this but hopefully she doesn't see ;) By the way, her hair turned out beautiful.

We had to throw in some muffins after our hair dying adventure. They were delicious!

 Hannah is obsessed with McDonalds, so of course we had to stop and get some on our way out to Utah.

 Look at how happy this couple is!

 And of course, you can't forget to decorate the newlyweds car!

Another beautiful sunset in Utah.

 Maple Mountain.

 It is so fun to watch the Presidential Debates here on campus. I love all the commentary and random yelling and clapping I get to hear while watching. It makes the debates that much greater!

 I had to add another throwback. For those who know me know that I LOVE cookies. They are my favorite dessert next to ice cream. It all started young...

 With the stunning bride! Doesn't that dress just fit her like a glove?!

 I burnt my bagel this morning :( That has never happened to me before! It was a very sad and lonely morning for my stomach.

The BEST news received in a long time :D

Conference Weekend

Hey all! Another week has flown by (seriously, that is crazy! But I am not complaining!) and I luckily survived. If you haven't been able to tell by some of my pictures, college is tiring! Shoot, any opportunity I get to take a break and be away from it all for a little bit, I take it! So that is exactly what I did this weekend. Conference was this weekend and if you have ever been up in Rexburg, it is seriously a great migration down to Utah. Most of the students leave for the weekend and the Burg becomes a ghost town. So I went down with my roommate Ynez, her cousin and Hannah. For whatever reason, it always takes FOREVER to get down to Provo when I am driving with people besides my family. As you can imagine, it took forever to get home and that's was all I wanted to do, GET HOME! I finally got home around 10:30PM and am grateful for Ynez and her willingness to drive us down to SLC.

So now I have just been at home with my family enjoying the beautiful mountains and fall weather while having the awesome opportunity to watch and listen to General Conference. Wow, did that first session take me by surprise! I have recently been thinking about serving a mission since I am getting closer to the age of service but wow, I sure got taken off guard. I am now eligible to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I am honestly still processing that thought and have a lot of praying, studying and searching to do. I am sure I will keep you updated on this.

Anyways, here are my pictures for the week! I hope you all enjoyed your weekend as much as I did and were filled and uplifted with the words that were spoken. Now I have to head back to Rexburg for another week(ish) and then back to Provo I go on Thursday for Chloe's wedding! I am so excited! Love you all!

 First pumpkin pie of the season! Yum!

 Uh oh, looks like Kyle had a little bit of an accident

 The leaves are finally starting to change and fall. Here are a few I get to crunch on my way to class :)

 Some awesome Halloween decorations near my apartment.

 Kiwi Loco--Yum! One of my addictions.

 My lovely roommates, Shailor and Ynez, enjoying a late night ice cream cone.

 I had to document our apartment watching the Presidential debate--it was intense.

 Look who made it onto our refrigerator--Chloe and Seth!

 Even when driving home you have to represent the Cougs!

 So pretty!

 What great spirit my pup has :)

 Look at Winnie's cute Halloween costume! What a gangster.

 Mmmm!

 My mom put some of the Halloween decorations up, they are so cute!

 Well shoot, that didn't take me long! I forgot to mention that I went and visited my Charlotte Russe girls--I miss them so much!

 General Conference with my baby.

 I <3 Fall clothes

 I had to stick in a little throwback picture. I became a big sissy!

Can you guess what this is?!