Questions for Reflection

So, it's been almost a month since I have started college. I can honestly say I have never experienced so much in such a short amount of time. It has been a time of personal growth and reflection, as well as self-improvement. It's been rough, not going to lie. I thought I had this whole thing figured out. I was sure on what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go and take my life. I was sure that this is the school for me. But now, my thoughts have changed. I've experienced some hardships up here and they have really gotten me to think about where I am in this stage and if this is what I really want. But, I am going to give it a chance, at least for the rest of semester or year depending on how things go. Today in my english class, we were given "Questions for Reflection" to help us dive deeper into ourselves and our lives to help promote growth and ideas for our self essays. As I was reading through all of these questions, I started becoming emotionally distraught inside because they revealed the true, raw feelings that I am having and the internal conflicts I am experiencing.
So, I know this is a blog and maybe it shouldn't be all personal like this, but it's also a way for me to share my feelings and experiences not only to myself, but for myself and the "world." One of the questions on this paper was, "What kind of person do you wish you could be? What kind of person are you in reality? What is keeping you from being the person you want to be?" These questions struck a chord with me and as I started writing, my response really got to me. The person I wish I could be is someone that in my eyes, is realistically unattainable. I wish that I was one of the nicest people and someone known and loved by everyone. I wish I was an example & someone who isn't afraid. I wish I was someone who wasn't shy & someone who was sure about themselves and their goals/ambitions in life. I wish I was someone who wasn't hurt, confused and tender. I wish I was someone who is strong, stronger than what I see in me.
The kind of person I am in reality is the opposite of these...at least in my eyes. Let's be honest with myself. I am sad, tender, vulnerable and weak inside. I am confused and lost on what I should do in life. I am scared and afraid to be different and branch out. I am someone who is growing as a person in every aspect and learning as I grow. I am a budding flower in the process of blooming.
What is keeping me from being the person I want to be? My fears and struggles, society and covering up the truth. But most of all, me.
Now I am not trying to make whoever is reading this feel sad for me or feel bad. That is not the point of this. The point of this is my own personal reflection and sharing my thoughts with whomever. I think one of everyones goal in life to try and become a better person than they already are. These questions are questions that can be easily asked to anyone and to yourself, and can make you ponder and reflect on who you are. So the question is, what is keeping you from being the person you want to be?